vix

I thought today would be better. Its not.
I'm miserable & trying to distract myself by watching heroes.
I wish I'd just slept all through today. Its shitty already and its only 11am.
I want a restart on life.

i really need to stop crying. my eyes hurt.

oh what am i to do?!
i'm freaking out already ... and i haven't been asked THE question today YET.
i've faced this question a few times recently.
and the answer was always easy.
but today the answer might change?
oh shit.
i guess i'll leave it to a spontaneous decision when i'm faced with it.
oh shit x2.

dammit.
sometimes i wish i didn't live by that statement as much as i try to.
it sometimes doesn't work out for the best.
but... atleast i dont have to worry about what COULD HAVE happened.
that would probably bug me even more.
so with that, it is time for bed.
i should write in here more often, like i used to a year ago or so.
i'm not even that sleepy. i gotta be up in 2 hours.
why do i get myself into these stupid things.
WWWWAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

soooo all good things come to an end.
i should have known this all along.
all i want to do is cry.....

i miss him already.....

haven't written in a while. i've been more into blogging on the myspace. i need to do a massive mac makeup sale again. i have accumulated so much stuff that i really don't have any place to put it. i think i've just become way too obsessed and i'd end up wasting paycheck after paycheck on ........... makeup. yeah, i think that's what i'll be doing tomorrow.... taking pictures of stuff and putting it up online! i will be going to new york in a little over a month & could really use the extra spending money :) woooooo sooo excited for that!!

pumpkin tits......? ok.

so. saturday, i went to the bodies exhibit in sunset place with david. i didn't know what to expect from this exhibit, but it was pretty cool.. i guess. hanging out with david was pretty cool too... it was a good time. i wonder what he thought... i guess i'll find out soon enough. goodnight.

this is love. i've been dreaming about it for a while now aaaaaand now it's all mine. i'm so happy i got it done. the crazzzzzzzzy pain was worth it. the colors are more vibrant in real life, flash killed the color a little bit....

its been a while since i stayed out so late.....
its 5am and i just got home not that long ago & need to wake up at 8 for work! awesome. i remember one time, a few years ago, i went out with some friends... stayed out til like 7 am with them, dropped them off, and then came home brushed my teeth and went straight to work...... in the same clothes. party animal. those days were fun. i need to go out more... its fun. the people we met today........ amazing. a gay crazy boy and some straightedge boy.... and yeah. thats enough ...

i want to live in disney world. taking trips over there is just not cutting it. maybe it'll make me a better, happier person or something. maybe i'll stop hating the world i live in. sounds too much like wishful thinking...

i've been so stressed out lately, its driving me nutttts.
i dont know how this is going to end but i'm not liking it one bit.
ugh, i need to get my hair done already before i just cut it all off. its soooooo ugly right now. i've been wearing it in a ponytail the past few days. not so cute. i'm hoping thursday will be my lucky day.

things are always too fucking perfect. so perfect that you know something fucked up is going to happen. to the point where you want to scratch the fuck out of your face. and then instead..... scratch the FUCK out of your arm. it was either that or doing something worse. so now my arm looks like a piece of shit.
whatever. i just want to go away. get in my car and drive the FUCK away. i keep realizing day by day how boring and stupid and useless my life is. and how it just keeps getting more unbearable as the days go by. i can't take much more of this. i can't keep getting blamed for EVERYTHING that goes wrong. its not my fucking fault. i didn't ask to be born. a lot of the time, i wish i never was. what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccck. this is what i get for fucking trying to HELP, too. fuck this shit. FUCKKKKK THIS SHIT!!!!

hi.

<3
vicki

just in case you forgot what i look like.
i really should be studying considering i have TWO tests tomorrow!!!! whatever, i'm gonna stay up all night. that way i don't have to do my makeup in the morning, hahaaaaaa. lazy lazy lazy. good thing i just had coffee & am not tired. k, enjoy.

i get to have a huge mac shopping spree. yayyyyyyyyy. i already can't wait. this addiction just keeps getting worse but i love it.

cya.

today is my day off, fun fun <3